my heart goes out

today was a really really wierd experience for me.. like really weird..

this morning during worship i felt like i had to start praying for the leaders of our church, but it was really wierd.. i knew that God was wanting me to intercede for them and to cry out to God for our leaders in our church. but the wierd thing was about all this is i felt like i was praying for all the leaders of the body of christ..

this has caused me quite the heartache. in addition to that the terrible thing that happened at YWAM and also with New Life church. my heart litterally goes out to them.. its been a hard year for that church..

but i go tot thinking.. i put myself in their shoes, how would i feel? how would i respond? how would i react to God? would i blame him? or would i fall to my knees in prayer? I know that if this had happened to our church i would be at such a loss for words i really would have no ideawhat to say..

When the news said that someone had died.. my heart dropped.. my heart aches.. its such a sad thing. when the Pastor of New Life came on the news you could see the sadness in his eyes. you could see the pain and desperation in his eyes.. my heart is hurting and aching. to the point where i just don't know how to react to this. I feel as if my sister has died and im in mourning..

i have NO idea why i feel this way.

all i know is when someone close to me passes away im going to be a wreck.. because if this is causing me pain and heartache who knows how i will respond when a loved one dies..


my only comfort in all this is Jesus. His love is seriously the only thing i'll cling to. because his love never fails...

im in such heartache..